Take the High Road: Divorce with Compassion for Yourself and Your Family (Paperback)
Game-changing guide to divorce.
"Taking the high road" means learning to let some things go, fostering forgiveness when possible, and incorporating empathy into actions that affect your former life partner.
- Andy Heller, author and divorced dad
If you find yourself in the stressful world of divorce – whether you are considering separation, are in the midst of the process or coming out the other side, Take the High Road: Divorce with Compassion for Yourself and Your Family will help replace battleground tactics with a healthy, supportive process that can work for all parties.
Unlike primers on divorce written by lawyers, therapists, and other subject-matter experts, this accessible and revolutionary guide comes from a successful businessman and author of popular books on real estate and investments.
As Andy Heller struggled through his own divorce, he searched for a practical roadmap to help him, his wife, and his children navigate the emotional, logistical, legal and financial challenges. Finding nothing to help, Heller began interviewing dozens of divorcing couples, marriage counselors, attorneys, judges, and others who could shed light on divorce universal difficulties. The result: a game-changing look at how both parties can choose compassion and cooperation over anger and fear.
Acknowledging the high emotional stakes and the high odds of divorce half of today’s marriages end in dissolution Heller has written what one marriage and family therapist calls "a manual of best practices for getting through one of life’s more difficult transitions."
With blunt advice, real-world examples, and 46 practical strategies, this book is a well-organized roadmap to a more positive destination. It provides a less traveled route for navigating a divorce that can heal hearts, prepare for the future, and, most importantly, nurture the children.
Step-by-step, Heller’s game plan walks readers through four stages:
- Divorce Structure, Strategy, and Goals
- Action Steps to Help Your Children Manage Life’s Changes
- Don’t Forget about Your Own Needs When Divorcing
- Healthy Dealings with Your Ex
Within those areas, core "strategy" chapters incorporate engaging anecdotes, original insights, and tips from experts. Readers will be empowered with invaluable communication tools designed to lower the temperature of flashpoint discussions and situations. The author even provides "scripts" for dealing with difficulties before debates can arise. Checklists give readers concrete action plans, and clear "Takeaway Points" at the end of each chapter reinforce key messages.
Heller writes about incompatibility and other interpersonal problems, but doesn’t shy away from tough topics including emotional and physical abuse, infidelity, and restraining orders. Every divorce is different in its own way. Despite differences, however, most divorcing spouses share the same challenges. Readers will find common ground on subjects all too frequently overlooked in other books on divorce:
- Avoid Unilateral and Wish-List Expenses
- Therapy Curveballs
- Visualizing Your Post-Marriage Home
- Beware of Button-Pushing Events
- The Two Categories of Advice-Givers
- When and With Whom to Speak about Your Ex
- Where is My Deserved Affirmation or Appreciation?
Take the High Road will be essential reading not only for men and women contemplating or going through divorce, but also for their friends, loved ones and the financial and legal professionals in their lives. It’s a roadmap for a better life journey with more happiness along the way.
About the Author
Andy Heller teaches real estate investing to new and seasoned investors around the county and runs a successful international freight forwarding company. Born in Canada, Andy emigrated to the United States as a child. He graduated from the University of Florida with a Bachelor of Science double majoring in Finance and Marketing. Andy co-authored two real estate investing books and had no intention of writing another book. After his own divorce, he saw a crucial hole in the self-help space for men and women navigating through divorce. This book is his “give back” effort to make the process easier for those who are considering or who are on the divorce path.
“As Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network I am quite impressed with Andy Heller's new book, Take The High Road. His message is both comprehensive and compassionate, the ideal balance for a topic as complex and challenging as divorce, especially when children are involved. I appreciated the examples he chose along with the takeaway tips that were practical and insightful. This is a dependable resource that will steer any parent on the right path through divorce and beyond.” -Rosalind Sedacca, CDC Founder, Child-Centered Divorce Network “If you need to get divorced, this is the way to do it. In calm and compassionate terms, Andy describes every major aspect of the divorce process and how to keep it from going off the rails by doing your part to keep it reasonable at each step. This is the way to avoid high conflict divorce. A very helpful book for staying on the high road.” -Bill Eddy, LCSW, JD, Author of Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder “In what is too often a heart-wrenching time of confusion replete with the full range of emotion when life-altering decision-making is of the utmost importance, Take the High Road brings you solace through solid knowledge and practical wisdom. From considering whether to divorce, to going through the process, to making the children the highest priority, this book escorts you on a comprehensive thought process to master this most challenging life event. Andy Heller writes with clarity, compassion, and a genuine commitment to taking people from chaos and confusion to conscious choice—as you think through what’s right and beneficial for you, your spouse, and your children, in a way that enables you to have it work for everyone.” -Dianne Collins, author of 9-time award-winning bestseller, Do You QuantumThink? New Thinking That Will Rock Your World "This book is great for those preparing for or in the midst of a divorce, providing practical tips and sound advice. It is a must read, not only better understand the divorce process, but also walk away with finding some peace for yourself and your children." -Lauren E. Holland, M.S., Ed.S., LPC, NCC “Very practical recommendations on how to navigate a divorce… I love that the author has consulted with professionally licensed therapists. A must read for anyone going through a divorce!”-Caroline Altfield, M.S.W., L.C.S.W., R.P.T. “I’ve been a family therapist for a really long time. Over those years, I have come to understand how breaking up a marriage often feels to the people living through it, like being a stranger in a strange land. If you are holding this book in your hand because it caught your attention, you should buy it…. If you did pick it up, you need to think about why, and be honest with yourself. I think of it as a manual of best practices for getting through one of life’s more difficult transitions. He makes many very practical suggestions that reflect his personal experience and the results of a series of conversations he’s had with others. Let him be your guide.” -Roger Lake, MFT