Things We Didn't Talk about When I Was a Girl: A Memoir (Hardcover)

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Staff Reviews

Nearly fifteen years after the fact, Jeannie Vanasco confronts the former friend who sexually assaulted her at nineteen, intending to ask her assailant what he remembers of the event and how he viewed their friendship. Without losing focus on the issue, this disarming memoir becomes about so much more as Vanasco considers cultural and gender expectations, and even the writing process (digressing into ruminations on this project instead of confronting her own feelings). The reader is left with one thought: if Vanasco can have this difficult conversation, then the rest of us can too. -Holly

— From Fall Booknotes 2019


"Such a confrontation is bold, unsettling and timely. (Vanasco) wanted to find out how a person who hurts others talks to himself about his actions. If we are ever going to reduce sexual violence, it's a critically important question." --Laurie Halse Anderson in TIME

"It's hard to overstate the importance of this gorgeous, harrowing, heartbreaking book . . . Vanasco is whip-smart and tender, open and ruthless; she is the perfect guide through the minefield of her trauma, and ours." --Carmen Maria Machado in Bustle

A Most Anticipated Book of Fall at Time, NYLON, Bustle, Pacific Standard, The Millions, Publishers Weekly, Chicago Tribune and more

Product Details
ISBN: 9781947793453
ISBN-10: 1947793454
Publisher: Tin House Books
Publication Date: October 1st, 2019
Pages: 360
Language: English